“Crawley’s need is far greater than that of Barbados.”

In amongst half arsed games, in empty stadiums, with a VAR system that makes the standard of officiating in the Southern League look borderline competent, one thing has become abundantly clear; Danny Ings is quite good. Now this is something that will not come as any great surprise to Dorchester fans. We saw his potential and all realised that his performances against a team of tradesmen in the Dorset Senior Cup would one day see him playing at the highest level and internationally. That is of course a slight (massive) exaggeration, but his performances were that of a player who would move onto better things. His ability to cut through teams and dictate games was evident in outings against Weston-super-Mare and Dartford, but his rise to one of the top English stars in the Premier League was not on the cards back in 2010. When he was capped by England in 2015 in a Euro 2016 qualifier against Lithuania in Vilnius he would become the second (we think) player to play for Dorchester to go on to represent England. So this got us thinking, who else has played internationally and for Dorch, and can we make an 11 from them?

Well, after making my Google search history even more bizarre than it already is, here is an exceptionally attacking 4-3-3 of players to have represented their county and The Magpies. These are full internationals, not under 21 or C caps, so some players here may have had shorter spells, with some players playing at a higher level than others. It is a very eclectic mix with some names that you may have never heard of or not remember, but if it was a brilliant squad then that would be no fun at all…

Goalkeeper; Benjamin Büchel.

Signing in February of 2013 by then manager Phil Simkin, Benji was acquired on loan to provide competition for Jason Matthews. In the three games he would play he would look every bit the international keeper he was. That was until he snapped his anterior cruciate ligament in a 2-1 loss away at Bromley which would see his loan end. Benji would go on to play for more clubs on loan following his recovery before having a more settled couple of seasons at Oxford between 2015-17, but he had been involved in the international setup for his native Liechtenstein for large parts this period with 29 caps to his name following his debut vs Slovakia in 2008, with his last cap coming in a 3-0 loss against Bosnia in the Euro 2020 qualifiers in November of 2019. Benji takes the number 1 jersey for his short tenure with us and will be marshalling this defence…

Fullback; Ludovic Quistin.

The cousin of former French international William Gallas, fullback Ludovic Quistin was at Dorch for a cup of coffee in 2006 under manager Mick Jenkins. Three games would be all the Guadeloupe international fullback would manage at the club before he moved on for trials with Luton, Leyton Orient and Brentford. These trials would come to nothing and Ludo would join another small Southern based non-league team in his seemingly obscure quest to play for as many random sides as possible. Well done if you have any memory of Quistin or his three appearances. His club history reads like a staggeringly depressing non-league train journey, but in this time, he did make nine appearances for Guadeloupe, the first coming in 2007 in the CONCACAF Gold Cup, which is a football tournament and not a horse race. Sadly, Ludovic was killed in a traffic accident in his home country in 2012. 

Fullback; Ronayne Marsh-Brown.

Another fullback with a lengthy club history that reads like a list of places worth avoiding, the Chiswick born left-back would join the club under Shaun Brooks and play the bulk of that season, including both games in the memorable FA Cup first round tie against Oxford United, before moving to Bath. Ronayne would earn the first of his five caps for Guyana in 2018, once again in the CONCACAF Gold Cup, in a 3-0 win against Barbados and played internationally as recently as June of 2019. These caps mean that he takes the left back slot with Ludovic Quistin at right back in this obscure team.

Centre back; Patrece Liburd.

Patrece Liburd, or as he is better known to some Magpies fans; ‘FIVE PATRECE LIBUUUURD’, following his appearance as number 5 on the team sheet on the night that Deadly Derrien decided that it would be the 12 Magpies of Christmas rather than a match day squad. Another Shaun Brooks signing, Patrece would be club captain after signing a 12-month contract in 2008. The clubs perilous financial state would see Patrece and a number of other players leave midway through that season, but he is a rarity in that he represented his country whilst at Dorch. Notable for his last minute winner at home to Maidenhead in a game that was watched by a record low for a league game of 144, fans Patrece would make four appearances for St Kitts and Nevis with his first cap coming in 2008. He forms one half of the central defensive pairing with…

Centre back; Graham Roberts.

The first man to feature in this side with a genuine club and international record, Graham Roberts would start his career at Dorch before moving onto much bigger and better things. After failing to make the grade at youth level with both Southampton and Portsmouth, Graham would be signed for Dorch by manager David Best in 1977. Played in a more advanced position for us before his move to the back as he progressed in the game, Graham would score an impressive 33 goals in 79 games between 1977-79 before his £6,000 move over hill at the start of the title winning 1979-80 campaign. A genuine hardman as well as an excellent player, Graham would win six England caps between 1983-84, which make him the first man to ever play for Dorchester before going onto to gain full a full international cap for England. He would also win both domestic and European silverware with Spurs before further success with Rangers and Chelsea. Suffice to say, he’ll be doing a lot of the heavy lifting in this defensive unit. 

Defensive midfielder; Gus Hurdle.

Gus Hurdle is a man who also went on to better things after a season in the black and white stripes that included guesting on ‘Fantasy Football’ with Baddiel and Skinner. 1993-94 saw Gus play in defence under Stuart Morgan, and his season with us would see him move to Brentford where he would make a decent league career for himself with 71 appearances for the London club. Stats about Gus’ time at Dorch are hard to come by, but given we know he played for us and this side needs defensive cover, he’s in. Gus would eventually make seven appearances for Barbados with his first cap coming in 1996. Gus knew what was important though, as this interview from 2000 shows; 

In March 2000, he turned down a chance to play internationally to help Crawley Town in their Southern Football League Premier Division relegation battle, stating he would prefer to play against Dorchester Town saying it was the “bigger game”. He said: “Crawley’s need is far greater than that of Barbados. They’ll be able to get a result without me, but it’s big match for Crawley and a game we can’t afford to lose”.

Crawley duly beat us 2-0 and Gus scored. Asshole. 

Attacking Midfield; Gavin McCallum.

Signed on loan from Yeovil by manager Mick Jenkins, Gavin would score five goals in 15 games proving a successful signing. Two goals in a 3-2 win at Thurrock would endear him to the fans and his spell would be a profitable one before multiple moves after that would follow, with Weymouth, Sutton, Havant and Eastbourne all being clubs he would represent. But for the purpose of this piece, it is his one cap for Canada against Venezuela that sees him make this particular XI. He would score a 92nd minute equaliser in the 1-1 draw. That was his only appearance, making him the David Nugent of Ontario.

Attacking Midfield; Jake Gosling.

Scorer of one of the most famous DTFC goals ever with his winner against Plymouth in the FA Cup, Jake also holds the distinction of being second top international scorer for Gibraltar with two goals. Signed on loan by Phil Simkin from Exeter in 2012, he’d be the man to turn in Mark Jermyn’s pass as we knocked Plymouth out of the FA Cup in 2012, a game seen around the world on live TV (I say around the world, I watched it in Brussels so that will do). He was a key part of the Dorch side that finished with a joint record points tally for that level, and he would score on his Gibraltar debut in a 2014 friendly during a 1-1 in Estonia, before scoring the nation’s second ever competitive goal in an 8-1 loss to Poland in 2015. 

Foward; Jackie Henderson.

This is where the pedigree of the side improves somewhat. 350+ football league appearances between 1947-64 with seven Scotland caps and one goal, Jackie would make 217 appearances and score 70 goals for Portsmouth, making his debut for the recent champions of England in 1951. Jackie would play in the same Portsmouth side as future Dorch manager, the Belgian Marcel Gaillard, although the two would never be at Dorchester at the same time. Jackie would go for combined transfer fees of over £50,000 in his career, the conversion to today’s rates would no doubt be in the millions. In that time, he’d score over 100 goals for Portsmouth, Wolves, Arsenal and Fulham, before a broken leg would end his professional career. He’d move to Poole in 1964 where he would help them win promotion to the Southern Premier League, before Bob Forrest would recruit him for Dorchester in 1967, where he would remain until 1971. He would make 134 Magpies appearances, scoring 44 goals in that time before his retirement. He would spend 30 years working as a store man in a builder’s merchant in Poole after settling in the area before he sadly passed away aged 73 in 2005.

Forward; Ron Davies.

Another man with a club history that has to be seen to be believed, Ron Davies’ journey was one that includes many recognisable names rather than some of the non-league travels mentioned previously. A legend at Southampton, Davies also played at Portsmouth, Norwich, Manchester United, Luton, before finishing off at the fantastically named Tulsa Roughnecks and Seattle Sounders. His record of 29 games with nine goals for Wales included a double against Scotland and spectacular goal against England at Wembley in the British Home Championship. Davis, who used to leap over hurdles in army boots to help his jumping, would score seven goals in 17 games for The Magpies in the 1976-77 season under manager David Best as we’d finish fourth that season before heading for the USA. Ron would sadly pass away aged 70 in 2013.

Forward; Danny Ings.

Ah, Danny Ings. When Ings was signed on loan by manager Ashley Vickers at the same time as Guiseppe Sole also joined on loan, Ings was seen as the less interesting of the two. How wrong we were. Nine games and four goals isn’t a long spell but his performances and work ethic were enough to endear himself to fans. There was talk of a permanent transfer to the club, but a striker crisis at Bournemouth would see him return to his parent club and by the season’s end he was scoring in a losing effort in the League One play off semi. Bournemouth to Burnley, to Liverpool to Southampton would be the route his career would take, with full England representation coming away in Lithuania in October of 2015. That remains his sole full cap at the moment (13 games and four goals for the under 21’s) but that will surely change given his fantastic return this season. Given my Portsmouth allegiance, I won’t be too effusive in my praise. 

Substitutes/coaching team;

Player/Manager; Martin Chivers.

A half season spell as manager in the 1980-81 campaign for ex-Spurs and England Forward sees him take the honour of trying to get something from this team of oddities. 24 England caps and 13 goals, with 19 of those appearances coming in competitive games as well as 10 goals, he is probably the most decorated international on the list. Multiple domestic honours and a very good international strike rate, his seven goals in 19 games for Dorch was impressive and hopefully he sticks around for longer with this side than he did in his actual real-life reign at the club.

Player/coach; Don O’Riordan.

Midfielder Don has a loan spell at Dorch in 1997 which we can’t find anything about. But we do know he has had spell on the coaching teams with both China’s female team and South Africa’s women’s set up. So we gain an much needed midfield option as well as a coach, quite the two for one. 

Player/physio; Paul Maxwell.

We think Paul is a defender, but he is definitely a physio and an international physio at that. He was the Ghana physio at the 2019 African Cup of Nations. A short spell with us in the 1990’s and an African Cup of Nations makes him the ideal bench material for this eclectic mix.

Forward; Kieffer Moore.

13 games and seven goals for Dorch and five games with two goals so far for Wales are worthy of inclusion here. With the somewhat lightweight defence we have here, we’ll need goals on the bench so a man with these kinds of ratios will be more than handy as well as being able to fill in at centre back.

Forward; Rory Fallon.

Even by our standards, this was a particularly unusual signing. Two starts and no goals under Thommo, Rory was with us mainly to get fit for the part he could potentially play in a vital World Cup qualification playoff for New Zealand. He would not add to his 24 games and six goals for NZ in their two legged playoff loss and would promptly retire afterwards, never playing for us again. He did play in the 2010 World Cup for NZ, making him the only player to have ever played for us and in the World Cup finals. We think.

Goalkeeper; Matt Cafer.

Matt was with the club for a while in the 2017 season but never played. But he was our player and he has played twice for Gibraltar, so by that virtue he will be the final man on the bench just so we can say we have a starting XI and a full subs bench, reserve keeper and all.

And there you have it, an internationally capped Dorchester XI, complete with an almost full bench and coaching side. 165 international caps and 32 international goals. Have we missed anyone? The more obscure the better… We might have some actual football to write about soon, but in the meantime, enjoy this most bizarre trip down memory lane. Hopefully the season does start soon, even we’re running a bit low on obscure topics to keep us going. SV

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